This Isn't Working

Back in October I had a reading with a well known astrologer as part of my mentorship with him. I was in the middle of doing the hardest sell for the launch of any container I have ever offered, which was working its own lessons in my life and business. Our conversations are always centered on my business these days, and when the stars will potentially align to help support my professional success. Now, I don’t believe that the stars are everything. However, I do believe that astrology is the code the universe is written in, and though favorable positions won’t do the work for me, they certainly don’t hurt, either.

He mentioned in this conversation that I might consider if my political leanings, and outspoken advocacy are potentially blocking clients. He gave the anecdote that in the traditions of the Plains Indians(knowing that I have spent a great deal of time steeped in those ways), when one builds an Inipi—a sweat lodge—in their backyard, one pours for that lodge no matter who it is that comes and asks in a good way. Meaning, that it doesn’t matter what side of the fence, or aisle, the seeker is on, I am, in a sense, beholden to bring the medicine for what ails them.

That anecdote had impact.

Just a few days later, we had the presidential election, and I closed the doors on my most favorite offer to date, with less than savory results across the board. Frankly, I was plunged into a deep sadness that had me literally crying on the floor for days on end. I could not believe what the slim majority of American voters chose for us, and began to consider if my big mouth, and Social Justice convictions were an asset to lead with, or a hindrance to my cause.

At the same time that those two threads were unspooling, I also had a consultation with a medical healer. Since my adrenal glands collapsed way back in 2014, then having a baby at 39, and now trudging through perimenopause, health and weight management have been at the fore of struggle in my daily life. I had taken actions that were both costly and *should* have been delivering results, only they weren’t. So, I reached out to this accomplished professional to dig a little deeper and discover what clues a hair mineral sample could provide, if any.

When she read my results, she listed off a few items that I had suspected, but when we came to the conclusion of our first session together, she said that it looked to her like my issues were of a more spiritual nature. She told me that from my test results it looked like I needed to consider what wasn’t working in my life.

So, what was it that wasn’t working for me in my life? What was I insisting on, or persisting with, that might actually be working against me?

Since this question landed in my lap at the same moment those other two bombs had dropped, I had to consider if being so outspoken about my political leanings was the thing getting in my way. Was this truly what had been impeding my progress, not just on the professional front, but also on my journey to better health?

I have sat and pondered and mulled and meditated. For months now.

Honestly, the first thought that came to mind was my relationship with cannabis. This has been my very favorite way to alter my mind for pretty much my whole life. Especially now that I am on this perimenopausal journey, alcohol has way too many unsavory side effects, and cannabis is the substance with the fewest consequences. I love it. I am a highly anxious individual, and I LOVE how my body responds to this “medication”. My anxiety is so gripping most days, that it inhibits my ability to drive, and sometimes to even leave the house. A little toke can provide the lovely relief from that grip enough to allow me to live my life like a normal person. Given this though, I have oft considered asking my doctor for a xanax prescription—perhaps the more socially acceptable anxiety med—but always end up declining, because those types of scripts have deleterious effects on my already compromised gut, for starters.

My next thought about what-isn’t-working was about how I am pursuing my business. Pre-pandemic, I had a thriving in-person client load. I worked primarily 1:1, with occasional group events. The work I did back then was primarily sold as Reiki energy work, but I also sprinkled in some divination, shamanic journeys, and a variety of other psycho-spiritual techniques. My clients received tangible results, and frankly, so did I. I was filled up and turned on. I could see the good that was rippling out into the world from what we were all doing together, and I had an intimate connection to my joy.

Since the lockdown, I have been efforting to rebuild what was lost, mostly in online capacities. As I have contemplated what hasn’t been working, why I haven’t been gaining traction(that I can readily feel, anyway), I started to conclude that while I love the convenience of the online space, it isn’t what I love the most. While I absolutely LOVE group work and the energy that a larger crowd can generate, doing it through the computer just doesn’t have the same juice for me.

And, as I continue to contemplate if it is right and good to open my big, opinionated mouth about my personal politics, I have decided that—especially in these times—not only are my political leanings inextricable from the work that I do, I feel it is my duty to call out what I see coming down the pike. If that is a roadblock to obtaining clients, so be it. At least I will be able to rest a little easier knowing that I stood for my heart and all that I consider good in the world, while we descend into various forms of dictatorship and despotism. Speaking out on these matters is more important to me than signing another client.

You will always know where I stand.

If that isn’t a turn-off for you—and who knows? Maybe it’s even a turn-on for you!—I have been reigniting my 1:1 in-person work, with a special focus on VIP days.

Come. Enjoy the Healing Hut. Feel the vibe of the crystal coated walls. Sit in the heated seats amongst our evolving outdoor paradise right in the heart of the San Francisco Avenues. Feel the soothing warmth of the Biomat as you receive personalized energy work(these days it goes far beyond Reiki). Smell the sage and essential oils as we move through what ails you. Experience the somatic magic for yourself. Reconnect in person with your own North Star through the magic we cultivate together.

All of these tools I use in my own life are available in this practice for you. All of the training, practices, and insights I utilize to make life a little easier, a little sweeter, a little more empowered, are here if you want them, too.

After sitting with the election results, my relationship to sales, my fears and desires, and the question of what-isn’t-working—for a full season, and then some—I am so excited to open up my 1:1 practice again. I can’t wait to host you.

It can be a real gift to yourself to take the time and exert the effort for some in-person experiences. Some things simply don’t translate through the ethers of Zoom.

As for cannabis, that is going to be a longer consideration on this end. I’ll let you know how it goes ;)

Check out my VIP days and mentorship offers.

This article was originally published on Substack. You can read the original here.