Gaiman and our Inflamed Culture

Reacting to the Vulture Article, and the Influencers Who Just Can't

I woke up to some IG influencer sharing the Vulture article today about Gaiman, encouraging all of us to essentially cancel the author. I absolutely adore Gaiman’s work, so I popped over and read the article. But, not before unfollowing that influencer. I am over that kind of rhetoric.

The influencer has so many videos on his feed where, incensed, he shares that we need to throw away our Harry Potter Novels, burn our copies of American Gods, don’t watch this movie, or listen to that song. The only effect that has on me is to tell him to, “shut the fuck up,” loudly to my screen. And I am part of his demographic.

NY Mag got my money. I read the article. Now, I am left with myriad feelings, but mostly compassion. I 100% believe all the women. Their experiences are fucked up and horrific. I want them to have the justice they rightly deserve.

And…

As one who has played with BDSM, as one who has studied a bit of Tantra, as one who has been steeped in psycho-spiritual practices for an eternity, I can’t help but think about all the followers of that influencer who now feel even more ashamed of their particular penchants. The article at least does a decent job outlining the probable abuse Gaiman suffered as a lad—abuse that often leads to fetish style fantasies. These are fantasies that, given the proper structure and language, can lead to a great deal of healing, and can be quite pleasurable for all parties involved. This, of course, is not how Gaiman himself played things out, and that is another conversation perhaps. But, that nuance is lost for the followers of that vitriolic content creator. If this information had been presented to us differently, it could have opened an opportunity for those who also fantasize about such “depravity” to share with trusted sources what is in their hearts, and open up a route to personal healing, and frankly some fun, if not tender, opportunities.

Now all those folks will probably feel that they need to hide themselves further lest they be cast aside or exiled, and that darkness is where a fetish can fester. That darkness is the arena that allows for this type of behavior to continue, amongst all of us—not just men.

One of the sound bites that has been ringing through my system since the election results in America were tallied is about inclusivity and exclusivity. In some interview I watched, a theory was presented about why MAGA is so attractive to an increasing number of not just Americans, but supporters of such hate all over the world. It is because there is now a group that includes them.

From the outside it seems counterintuitive that a group who spouts so much hate and ideas of separation would feel inclusive. But, that seems to be the result.

“Wokeism”, an ideal that is founded in the desire to include marginalized groups into the larger collective narrative has been the annoying group of cancel culture. We are the group of self-righteousness and holier-than-thou attitudes. This is the group that needs perfection in order to belong. Ironically, this is the party who is incapable of tolerating a human’s inherent nuance and imperfection, or The Shadow, as some might call it. If you have ever fucked up in your life, you are publicly shamed and tossed aside.

While The Cult of Personality is the one that allows humans to human. It is the party and the platform that says, “Of course you feel this way. Here you belong.”

Humans are pack animals. It would seem, all we want is to belong.

When I was dabbling as a phone sex operator, it struck me how vanilla most human’s sexual fantasies are. But, that’s not how it feels to the holder of those fantasies. Even the ones that got a little raunchy didn’t shock me, or scare me, or even make me think that this guy is somehow subhuman. In fact, I got a lot of perspective about those parts of all of us. We all have disturbing parts of ourselves, and for most of us, we are the ones judging those parts most harshly. I was so glad that those men had a place to call and dive into what turned them on. For more than a few, it seemed like an outlet that was, for them, safer than taking these subjects to a therapist. And, for them, I wasn’t totally afraid that they would act on their proclivities.

What scares me so much more are all the “Normies” who feel they can’t share with anyone the dark corners of their internal rooms. Then, go off and act out those fantasies in order to feel.

What Neil needs is therapy, not shaming. He needs, also, to face his victims in a way that allows them to be seen and heard, where he can take in the impact of his actions. (But, maybe that is part of the kink.) He might also need to know that he is not bad or wrong for all the things that got him there, but that the actions of harming another is what is intolerable. Who knows. What he, and they, need specifically to heal in this situation is not my lane.

What might benefit the current culture, however, is some fucking compassion. Boy, that ain’t easy. When witnessing the horrors humans are capable of enacting on one another, the first response, the easy thing to do, is to push away, to show our disgust, and to show little mercy with punishments. Yet, if we can divorce ourselves from the outrage, we know that abusers have themselves been abused. That is how it goes. Shaming and exile are not effective forms of therapy, and might want to be exercised as the very last resort. What heals, and even has the power to transform, is love.

Easier said than done, I know. Believe me, I do not want to be the one who has to go first with this practice. But, I will. I am. For one, I know I have been both Victim and Perpetrator. I have been on the receiving end of abuse, and I have been someone who has abused others. If you are a bible reader person you might be familiar with that line about casting stones: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Also, glass houses and such…

So, maybe, if the one side is looking for a good strategy for overcoming the pull of despotism, perhaps we could try on this anti-shaming inclusivity thing. Who knows? It might just work.

This article was originally published on Substack. You can read the original here.